By: Aazdak Alisimo
So stressed out you feel like you are going to pop? Don't take everything so seriously. Yep, it is easy to say that but actually doing it can be a tad bit harder. Laughter can often be the best solution to any problem, so here are some quotes that should have you on the floor.
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. - George Carlin
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. - Erma Bombeck
Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a redhot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein
Only two things are necessary to keep ones wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it. - Lyndon B. Johnson
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. - Douglas Adams
Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything. - Paris Hilton
The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public. - Phyllis Diller
I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix. - Dan Quayle
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones. - Mike Barfield
We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea. - Jon Stewart
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein
Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos. - Homer J Simpson
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson
Irish Coffee is the perfect breakfast because it contains all four adult food groups: fat, sugar, caffeine and alcohol. - Anonymous
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Information about the Author:
Aazdak Alisimo likes a good laugh just like anyone else, particularly funny quotes updated each and every day at FunnyQuotesDaily.com.
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